faith like a child

It was dark tonight, as we were leaving the slum, San Bueña, in Cainta. We had stayed extra late to attend a bible study after the worship service. There is a couple there that wants to become leaders in the church. Ate Thess is going to have bible study with them for a while first. Jeremy, me and all our kids we were walking towards the public transportation with Ate Thess, Ate Grace and L.J. The night was beautiful. A cool breeze eased our walk back to the main road. I was holding Isaiah’s hand as we were walking with Ate Thess. He looked up into the night sky, noticed the almost-full moon and said with amazement in his voice, “Look Mommy!” We were talking about how beautiful it was when he cleverly said, “God turned out the lights and turned on the moon.” I love his gift of faith. The way he sees God in the little things I take for granted. There are so many things around me, amazing things that God is doing every day that I don’t notice or just take for granted. I am asking the Lord to help me see him in the everyday things. Especially while we are here, while the pace is a bit slower and my spiritual sensitivity is supposedly heightened. Lord, what are the things that you want to say, the things that you want to show me that I am usually too busy or distracted to hear. I want to see you in the world through the eyes of a two-year old.

a different attitude

Last night we traveled approximately 3 hours up to Tagaytay, the location of the smallest volcano in the world. But we weren’t there to see the volcano, we went to attend the monthly MMP prayer retreat. It was very nice to get away from the heat, smog and noise of the city. I greatly enjoyed the change in terrain and scenery too. it was very green and flowery up there. These MMP pastors who are all working in different slum areas of Metro Manila planting churches gather once a month to rest, pray, be together and refocus on their calling. I am always impressed every time I am around these hard-working men and women. Their sacrifice is similar to none that I know. They are ministers to the poorest of the poor, yet they are also living on very measly resources, most are poor themselves by our standards. Many have to find work outside their MMP jobs selling insurance or home-made cards to make ends meet. They work very hard. Yet I am still waiting to hear one of them complain…something that is so easy for me to do. I am still learning and asking the Lord, why their attitudes and hearts are so different than mine. How are they able to work, give and sacrifice all they have and remain so joyful?

isaiah's christmas tale

When we were at the MMP Christmas party last week, there was a time in the program when the emcee called up all the children under the age of 7 for a story. About 10 kids went forward, Isaiah was probably the youngest at 2 ½ years. The woman telling the story would pause every few sentences to allow the children to fill in the blanks. Most were doing well but if they needed a bit of help another child would whisper the answer to them. It was very cute. Eventually she got to the part where baby Jesus was to be born. She looked at Isaiah and said, “And Mary had a …[dramatic pause]”. Full of confidence, directly into the microphone and said, “…a goat”. Wow! What a moment of parental pride. Everyone was very gracious and thought he was cute and funny and isn’t that all a parent really wants anyway? J

a kid-friendly culture

I met a pastor in a poor area here recently who grew up as a street kid himself. He now has 7 kids. When I heard this and reacted with a surprised look, he looked me straight in the face and said, “I really believe what the bible says about children being a blessing from the Lord.” Wow. I was caught off guard. Do I believe it too? I love my kids. But sometimes I see them as far less than a blessing. Especially when I want my freedom to go and do as I please. That’s hardly an easy thing to do when you have four little ones tagging along behind you. Not just personal freedom either, but I sometimes also think they hinder my ministry to others. In the States my negative feelings about my kids is often reinforced or encouraged. It’s rare that people are excited for me when I tell them how many kids I have. Often I receive a comment about what a lot of work that must be, or some kind of sympathy. None of that here. And no one is annoyed when my baby cries during a worship service, or when my two year-old jumps off the stack of chairs in the church building, or when my three year old has diarrhea on herself in a slum where there is no running water or when my five year old won’t say hello to them because she is just too shy and overwhelmed. Instead, strangers are inviting all my children into their homes, giving them treats when I’m not sure they even have enough for themselves and they’re not demanding anything of their behavior but rather commenting only on the joy and blessing they are to be around. They smile a lot. My kids are the same kids that were in the States. What’s happened? A couple days ago I lost my kids. Not the baby, but the three older ones. I knew they hadn’t gone outside the gate, but I couldn’t find them for a moment. I peeked in next-door and there they were. Isaiah and Miya were sitting down to 2 huge bowls of spaghetti, Ana was playing a game on their computer and there were 6 other kids in their tiny apartment too (only 2 of which belonged there). It was chaos. There were kids jumping on the couches, the TV was on, some were eating, some were yelling. Did I mention that one of the women who lives there is 9 months pregnant? Everyone was smiling and happy…except for me. I was so embarrassed. Why were they feeding my kids? Why did they allow these kids to wreck their house? It was such a contrast to my own experiences in dealing with kids. Especially kids that don’t belong to me. At home I would never let so many kids in my house that didn’t live there. And just a few minutes later my feelings were actualized. It was dinner time. We called all our kids in and sent the neighborhood kids home. We were tired of entertaining them. Tired of watching them. Just tired of them. So home they went so our kids could eat. What a contrasting cultures.

seeing sacrifice in new dimensions

It is hot here. I don’t have my own independent means of transportation, my schedule is up in the air and decided by many other people other than me, the food is different and I don’t always get to pick what I want to eat or when I eat it.

None of these things in themselves are bad or hard. But for some reason when the all get lumped together in a short period of transition my world seems as if has been turned upside down, I lose my sense of balance and I fall, so fast into a world of self-pity and complaining. How easily I forget the great Love the Father has for us.

Yet those who I have been meeting these past two weeks have not forgotten. It is the Love of the Father and their understanding of it that has compelled them to live lives so sacrificial and characteristic of the gospel unlike anything I have seen before. Recently, we have been able to visit several different slum neighborhoods, to get to know some of the pastor and the people of God in these areas. O how remarkable they are. Last Tuesday I met Pastor Renez in a slum community outside the city. The first thing I noticed about him was his smile and great joy. He seemed so happy-happy to see us and happy to show us around his church area. Then I saw his house, met his wife and two of his four children. There was no electricity, no running water, a dirt floor. The house was made of old grocery store signs and blue plastic tarp. Yet they were all still smiling and actually joking about the signs that made up the walls of his home. How can someone choose to live like this, I ask myself. It’s not right for any human being to live in a place like this and a pastor and by his own choice? It doesn’t add up in my two-dimensional mind. What am I missing? What dies he see that I don’t? The decision I see him making is the choice of his living situation, but I wonder if his decision was more focused on the Father’s love for others. And following in his Father’s example the only choice to make is to love sacrificially.

When my eyes are closed to those around me all I do is focus on myself and then the complaining begins. But when I see those around me who have far less, their lives are considerably harder physically and emotionally and yet they give far more than I do.

God didn’t have to bring me to the other side of the world to tell me that I am selfish. I already knew that. But being around such sacrificial servants of the King brings a new dimension to note. Lord, help me to see your love in more dimensions.

the adventure

what are my thoughts about this trip? i have many actually. i am thrilled to be a part of this amazing team heading out on an adventure of a lifetime. i love to travel and i like new adventures. i can't wait to see and expeience all the sights, sounds, tastes, smells of manila and learn and hear from the Lord there. what gift do the people of manila have to offer us that will inspire new life into the church in tampa? what lessons do God want to teach us that will mold and shape our ministry here at home? i can't wait to find out. but until then, i pray, dream, and declutter in preparation of oct. 30th...jess

Jessica's thoughts coming soon.

to this blogspot.